Meeting Yourself
by DhtrofIsis
Summary: One answer to a question that just about every Revan asks after the Leviathan who am I now? Rated M for some mild nudity, just to be on the safe side. Please R


A/N: A big thank you goes out to JediMaster12 from KFM who's never to busy to beta my stuff (and I tend to send her a lot). This is just an odd little idea I had after working an all-nighter. As always reviews are welcome and helpful. Some mild nudity.

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_It started out innocently enough, for a dream. Weird, but then most dreams don't make any real sense; it's all metaphor and crap. Morii was on the _Ebon Hawk_ baking in the little makeshift galley with Master Vrook peering over her shoulder, who kept telling her that her cake wasn't disciplined enough and that it would fall to the flat side if Morii didn't add more yeast. If the dream version of Morii hadn't been so pissed at Vrook, she probably would have found it funny. Finally Morii got so tired of listening to the old man rant that she that she scooped up a glob of dough with her spoon and lobbed a piece right at Vrook's face. The dough lump connected thickly with his cheek and covered part of his left eye. Vrook however seemed to not even notice and began listing off the ways in which Morii's baking skills were woefully undisciplined and disrespectful while the pale dough clung to his weathered skin._

_Morii tried to be a good Jedi, she tried to listen to all Vrook was saying as she nodded and promised to bake harder, but she was pissed. Dammit she was a good baker! She was! How did Vrook know anything about her baking skills? He didn't! Did he ever see her bake? Did he ever watch Morii mix ingredients? No, he just hung out in the council meeting rooms and lectured her whenever Morii entered. She tried to reason, she tried yelling at him, Morii even pushed Vrook in the shoulders, hard. Vrook stumbled but never missed a beat. Morii stared into his face and felt it, the sweet, warm rage bloom in her chest. It washed away doubt and fear, and she had to release it, she had to send it out. The rage filled her body until Morii couldn't contain it anymore and she raised her right hand. Lightning flew from the tips of Morii's fingers and connected with Vrook's chest. Morii began laughing at the joy she felt as the power sang through and out her into the torso of Master Vrook. The Jedi continued to lecture although he was faltering, and Morii lifted her left hand to join the right. Two waves of electricity danced toward Vrook's form. Still he lectured and Morii felt the snarl grow on her lips. She took the anger and shaped it, willing it into her hands and on to Vrook's already smoking chest. Morii grinned as she watched Master Vrook finally fall, the smell of burnt flesh hung in the air and Morii knew she would triumph. They told her the Dark Side was about anger and rage, but they were all wrong. The Dark Side was about joy and release. Morii felt free and happy; finally she wasn't bound! _

_Finally Master Vrook's body stopped twitching, finally his mouth stopped moving and Morii was happy. Morii looked up with a grin on her face, which quickly fell when she saw Carth standing about ten meters away toward the hyperdrive room, just staring at her. Carth didn't look angry; he looked… broken. He then looked down at Vrook's charred corpse and gave a small shake of the head. "I told them," his voice was as soft and broken as his eyes. "I told them we couldn't trust you; that you would turn into Revan eventually." Carth looked back up at Morii, "that you would betray me… us. I knew you were a risk and I listened to them, I let them sway me, because I wanted so much to be wrong. But I wasn't wrong. Once a Sith, always a Sith." Carth turned with a hunched and beaten posture, and slowly he walked away._

"_Please Carth! I didn't… I didn't mean to! I'm sorry! I would never hurt you or the crew! PLEASE!" Morii wanted to rush after him but her legs had suddenly become glued to the spot._ "Carth!" _She screamed as his figure faded along with the commons room of the _Hawk_. The space around her bled to a pure white and Morii screamed louder, _"CARTH!"_ The sound echoed through the white space like that in the Builder prison box, the sound _arth!... arth!... arth!... arth!_ echoed through the space. The silence that followed was deafening._

_Morii fell to her knees, Vrook's smoldering remains the only thing left in the whiteness surrounding her. She had fallen all over again, just like everyone said she would. Morii was unredeemable, unforgiven, she had nothing, and she deserved nothing. It was just her and a crispy dead Jedi Master. Morii hung her head, too ashamed and beaten to even weep for what she'd lost._

_It was the footsteps that caused her to look up. Lifting her head, Morii blinked against the brightness of the non-room and saw a familiar figure in black elaborate armor strolling towards her. The only thing missing was the black and red mask. Instead it was Morii's own face, gray and traced with blue veins that stared back at her. Morii's doppelganger quirked one eyebrow over a yellow eye and said, "Well it doesn't take a shrink to figure this one out, does it?" Darth Revan smirked and looked down at what was left of Master Vrook. She toed the corpse with her boot and rolled it over, cocking her head to the side in a gesture that Morii found disturbingly familiar. "I always hated that old bastard, you know?" Darth Revan asked. With out waiting for an answer she continued, "Nobody would remove that Force damned stick up his ass in fear it might give him a real personality." Darth Revan chuckled in amusement at her own joke, and then turned to Morii. "So, how much longer are we going to do this?"_

"_Go away!" Morii snapped as she crossed her arms, looking off into the distance in attempt to ignore her twin._

"Go away!"_ Darth Revan mocked as she mimicked Morii's pose. "Look the sooner you accept it the sooner we can all move on," Darth Revan rolled her eyes. "Force we can be a stubborn schutta!"_

"_I'm not you! Not anymore!" Morii yelled at Darth Revan. She stood up and tried to walk away, but just like every other time she could only get so far before she couldn't move any further away from Darth Revan. Instead Morii settled for looking out into the void._

_Darth Revan sighed and blew a puff of air out of the side of her mouth, sending the stray curls on her forehead up before they came to rest back down on her face. Morii inadvertently turned to look and paled. It was a gesture Morii knew well, and one she herself did on a regular basis when she was annoyed. "Fine we'll go through this one more time for the mentally challenged in the room. I keep telling you, you're me, I'm you, get over it and accept it." Darth Revan's voice had turned singsong as if talking to someone who wasn't quite right._

"_No," Morii shook her head and whispered quietly. "No, you're… you're trying to seduce me, get me to turn to the Dark Side. I won't… I won't!" she hissed._

_Darth Revan scowled at Mori, "Frack! When did I get so stupid?" she asked rhetorically. "Look, we're broken, and if we're going to pay that back-stabbing son of a schutta Malak back we need to be whole! Accepting that makes you no more likely to fall to the Dark Side than you are right now." Darth Revan smirked and gave a pointed glace to the floor at Crispy Vrook._

_Morii looked away from her own handiwork in shame, "I don't want revenge, I just want to fix what I messed up," she said slowly._

_Darth Revan gave a one-shouldered shrug, "Fine, whatever. I don't care as long as Malak ends up dead." Darth Revan gave a wolfish grin. Seeing no response, Darth Revan tried to reason with herself instead. "Look, we were once Malak's Master, so how is it that he was able to so easily spank our asses on the Leviathan? We should have been able to finish him off right then and there, but Bassy-Wassy had to step in and save our collective tails. We're fractured, broken, and if you want to finish this, we need to be one again."_

"_She's right you know," a third voice chimed in. Both women looked up to see a younger, haggard and weary version of them in stained and torn Jedi robes walking out of the white background to join the little group._

"_Oh, just fracking great!" Morii threw her hands up in the air. "That's it! I've officially gone over the edge! Now they're going to have to slap a Force Collar on me and lock me up in a little padded room! They could charge admission to see the crazy ex-Sith Lord!"_

_The newest woman smiled wryly at herself, "My I guess Mal was right, I can be a downright Drama Queen at times." The woman chuckled._

"_Just who the hell are you supposed to be?" Morii asked as she pointed at the newest version of her insanity._

"_You… us… during the wars. She _is_ right you know," the Jedi Revan pointed a thumb at Darth Revan. "We are broken, and until we can fix this we won't stand a chance of making things right…"_

"_And killing Malak…" Darth Revan interjected._

_Jedi Revan rolled her eyes. "And killing Malak," Jedi Revan added. "Man, evil Me certainly has a one track mind."_

"_What can I say? We tend to react badly to betrayal," Darth Revan chuckled, gave another shrug and folded her arms across her chest. "Why do you think we're so fond of flyboy?"_

_Despite herself Morii felt a bit more open to this new version of her that wasn't so blatantly Sithish. "Okay say you two are right, which I'm not saying," Morii added quickly as she crossed her arms in a closed off gesture, "how come I'm only seeing you two now, after all this time and the _Leviathan_?"_

"_Because until that moment you didn't know who we are, who _you_ are," Jedi Revan sighed and crossed her arms. All three versions now stood facing each other with arms crossed. They became aware of their identical postures at the exact same moment and the three women chuckled. "Okay," Jedi Revan began as she dropped her arms, "let me try to explain. What happened to us in the Jedi ambush, it… broke our mind. Bastila wasn't lying about that. But when the Jedi attempted to repair us, they didn't want Revan, they wanted someone who could access Revan's memories…"_

"_Unfortunately for them, we're not easily broken," Darth Revan gave a cocky smile._

_Jedi Revan sent Darth Revan an irritated look, "Not helping here… anyways," Jedi Revan continued. "They wanted someone who could access our memories of the Star Forge, but not us. Building an entirely new personality however is almost impossible, not to mention the ethical ramifications of that type of thing. So they instead broke us and our memories into three separate pieces. Jedi Revan," she pointed at herself, "Darth Revan," she pointed at the bored looking Sith, "and the base personality," she gestured last to Morii. "The whole thing was contingent on us not knowing who we were however…"_

"_When Malak spilled the beans it brought down the barriers the council put up to keep us from remembering who we were. That's what allowed me to come to the forefront. But _you_," she pointed at Morii, "insist on being a pain in the…"_

"_I wish I would have resurfaced sooner," Jedi Revan interrupted. "I think you've done more damage than anything," she told Darth Revan._

"_This isn't my fault!" Darth Revan protested. "You know how we are! We lock onto an idea and we cling to it like a Kath hound worrying a piece of animal hide. She's the one who's resisting!" Darth Revan pointed at Morii, "and she's the one who's the base, our anchor, only she has the ability to merge us back into one person."_

"_Why didn't you appear sooner?" Morii asked Jedi Revan. "Why only Darth Revan until now?"_

"_Because I'm closer to who you are… oh stop it!" Darth Revan snapped as Morii blanched. "I'm not talking about the Dark Side you nit! Hell she's closer to the Dark Side than you are," Darth Revan jerked her head towards Jedi Revan. "She's all battle weary and jaded. I think…" Darth Revan paused, "I think I'm closer to who we are now, as Jedi here is us further back… that doesn't really make any sense does it?" Darth Revan asked the other two._

"_Actually it does," Jedi Revan smiled wryly and Morii nodded in agreement. Despite herself Morii was becoming more comfortable with… well herself. "But we are talking to ourselves, so we know what we mean."_

"_I think I'm getting a migraine from all this pronoun confusion," Morii muttered while rubbing her temples. The other two women laughed. Morii was coming to realize they were right. Maybe she'd always known Darth Revan was right, but she was terrified of falling again, and what would happen if she let that part of herself back in?_

_Jedi Revan began speaking again softly, "You wanted to believe that you weren't Darth Revan, and to a certain extent you aren't, but you were." Jedi Revan stopped for a moment as she confused herself. Not seeing any other way of explaining however, she continued. "Darth Revan, Jedi Revan, Nemorii Vohn, we are the same. We have all of those inside of us. I understand," she told Morii sympathetically, "by pretending that you weren't Darth Revan…"_

"_A part of me could remain blameless for what I'd done," Morii finished flatly. She was a coward. She had hid behind a new name and thought that made her different, that in the back of her mind she could pretend she hadn't done those things… those horrible things. But that wasn't true. Morii could see now, staring at the other two versions of her that she was all of these things. She was the disobedient Jedi who defied the council for all the right reasons, but fell anyways. She was a brutal, horrible killer who lusted for power and glory. She was Morii, a lost woman who didn't know how to come to terms with a past she didn't even remember._

_Morii sighed, and felt tears sting her eyes. Even Darth Revan was looking at her with a bit of sympathy. The longer they were together like this, apparently the more the lines in her different identities started to blur. "So what happens if I do this? What happens to me?" she asked the other two._

_Darth Revan shrugged, "Nothing, not right away. It's not like you're suddenly going to become someone else, or it's even going to gradually change who you are. You're still us, we're still you, but _you_," she pointed at Morii, "need to accept it so that we can be what we should be."_

"_Memories will come back, slowly," Jedi Revan added. "It won't hit you all at once like a Bantha stampede, but you'll… _we'll_ come into our true potential, come into our true power, and we're going to need all that power to stop Malak. You'll still be you, just whole," Jedi Revan put a gentle hand on Morii's shoulder._

"_I think I understand," Morii looked at both of them, "but I'm afraid."_

"_There is no emotion…" Jedi Revan began._

"_There is peace," Morii finished._

_Darth Revan made a face and rolled her eyes, "Yuck."_

_Morii laughed at herself, despite herself. "So how do we do this?"_

"_It's easy," Jedi Revan responded, "You're halfway there." Jedi Revan made a gesture from herself to Morii. "The hard part is over there smirking at you." Jedi Revan nodded her head toward Darth Revan, who made a childish face at the other two. It was so much like something Morii would do that she burst out laughing. _

_Morii gave a sad smile as she looked into her own yellow eyes. Yeah, it was time. Darth Revan nodded and said, "Atta girl…" The white light that was the only thing besides them now in the room actually grew brighter and brighter until it surrounded Morii and consumed her other two selves. She closed her eyes to protect her retinas and felt the whiteness seep into her body, mind, and soul…_

Morii jerked awake, which caused Carth to mumble a weak protest. They lay naked and tangled in a nest of blankets on the deck floor of the cockpit which currently had the only locking door besides the 'fresher on the ship, like they had done on Tatooine before the _Leviathan_. Both of them took the night watch shifts on the bridge to give them time together and privacy, a hard thing to come by on the _Hawk_. Morii felt the hum of the hyperdrive under her, carrying them to the location of the Star Forge as Carth shifted and snuggled into her shoulder.

"Beautiful?" he asked sleepily.

"It's ok," Morii whispered and ran her hand through Carth's dark auburn hair, "go back to sleep."

Carth muttered something unintelligible and pulled Morii closer against him. He sighed happily and let out a small snore; his breath tickled down the side of her neck and made her brown curls flutter from the small puffs of air he exhaled.

Morii lay there for a long time just thinking, unable to fall back asleep. She was trying to decide if she felt different, if she was different. The answer was yes… and no. She did feel better, maybe more at peace with herself than she had been since the Leviathan, but there was a weight on her too. Before the main reason she had been so desperate to find the Star Forge had been to save Bastila, to rescue her bond-mate from Malak. Morii hadn't allowed herself to dwell on the bigger picture, what was really at stake for the entire galaxy. Now Morii felt heavier, her conscious weighed down. But she also felt more determined than ever. She would stop this. Morii had started this, caused so much suffering and pain, and now she had to end it, no matter what. She looked sadly at Carth's sleeping face. Morii had a feeling she may not make it, and she knew that would break Carth, probably permanently. Her eyes burned a bit at the thought of how he would react if she didn't live through destroying the Star Forge. Morii's hand paused in mid-stroke as she watched Carth sleep. He shifted, squeezed her hip and muttered something about chubbas in the hyperdrive as he slept and Morii gave an involuntary grin.

Morii watched Carth sleep as she thought about her past, her future, and even the Dark Side. It was always there, inside her, waiting to bloom. She could poke around now and feel it stir. Carth wasn't quite correct about it being some sort of outside evil. It could be, Morii had felt the darkness pressing down on her on Korriban, but it never really left. It was always there, and Morii realized sadly, that it always would be.

Morii could hear the rest of the crew begin to stir in the common room. She listened to the sounds grow louder. Canderous was cursing a gizka he'd tripped over on his way to the 'fresher. The Mandalorian's booming tones were loud enough Morii could hear him threatening to cook it for breakfast. Mission and Zaalbar were arguing about something. From the stray words Morii caught it sounded like it had something to do with making the caffa. T3 let out a chirp or two and Jolee and Juhani's voices were raised in laughter at some shared joke. The whole crew had visibly relaxed after Carth and Morii had come to an understanding and repaired their relationship. Morii was happy to hear them happy again.

There was a loud banging on the cockpit door and Carth jerked awake.

"Get your asses out here you two, breakfast is almost ready!" Canderous yelled through the door.

"Shavit!" Carth swore as he blinked the sleep from his eyes. "Frack off Canderous!" he yelled back at the door, and then buried his face in Morii's neck in defiance.

"Oh and make sure you cover up Onasi," Canderous added. "Last thing I need first thing in the morning is to see your bare ass hanging in the breeze. Morii, you on the other hand feel free to come out as uncovered as you want."

Carth shot up again, picked up one of his boots that lay next to him and threw at the door. It hit with a metallic thud and Morii laughed. "Bite me you over-stimmed Merc!" she yelled to the door good-naturedly. Canderous's laugh faded down the hall.

Carth muttered some very uncomplimentary observations about Canderous's ancestry as he flopped back down onto their makeshift bed.

Morii giggled at Carth's tirade. "You know he says stuff like that just to irritate you," she told Carth.

Carth gave a rueful smile, "Yeah I know." He then grabbed Morii around the waist and rolled her onto his chest. She smiled back down at him. Despite the yelling, Morii had been surprised to find a new bond emerging between Carth and Canderous on Tatooine.

Morii squirmed to a more comfortable position and Carth grinned up at her. "Beautiful, you keep doing that and breakfast is going to have to wait."

Morii gave him a sly smile as she realized Carth was becoming very happy to have her there. "You're all talk flyboy," she answered in a low tone.

Carth raised his eyebrows, "Now that sounds like a challenge to me." He placed a hand on the back of her head and brought her mouth down to his.

Their hands had just started to roam over each other's bare skin when a slightly quieter, more hesitant knock came from the other side of the door. Carth gave an exasperated groan and flopped his head down onto the blankets.

Morii? Carth? This time it was Zaalbar on the other side. Please come out. Jolee won't let us start eating until you join us. Zaalbar's tone had a hint of pleading to it.

Morii snickered and yelled at the door, "We're on our way Z." Carth gave a resigned sigh at her statement.

Thank you, Zaalbar's voice was obviously relieved as he turned back to the common area.

"Damn," Carth muttered.

"Far be it from me to stand between a Wookiee and his stomach," she informed Carth. "C'mon, get up."

"I am up, that's the problem," Carth leered at her.

Morii actually blushed and smacked his bicep, "Cute, that's not what I meant." Morii picked herself up off of Carth, and he shivered at the sudden lack of warmth.

"Heartless woman," Carth muttered but stood as well and began hunting for clothes that had been hastily tossed aside the night before.

Morii cocked her head to the side as she became distracted at the sight of Carth bent over as he dug through a pile of clothes. The man had an award-winning backside that was for sure. Not to mention back, legs, arms, chest… Morii was jerked out of her thoughts by the underwear that smacked her in the chest as Carth tossed it over his shoulder.

"Found yours," he said as he continued digging.

Morii had a stupid grin plastered on her face as she stood there nude holding her underwear against her chest and watched Carth rummaging through the pile while muttering to himself. Carth found his own underwear and stood up straight with a triumphant "ah-ha!" Seeing Morii standing there staring at him Carth gave her a bemused smile. "Something wrong?" he asked her.

Yeah the Darkness was always there, Morii realized, but she had several damned good reasons in the next room and one especially damned good one standing naked in front of her not to give in to it. Her look softened and she answered, "Nope, nothing's wrong at all."


End file.
